The other day I finally had some free time for myself and I decided to watch a new Kardashian episode that recently aired. It was where Khloe Kardashian was talking about her ex boyfriend Tristan Thompson and explaining to us (the world; who’s none of our business it is.) why she treats him the way she does when people expect her to treat him as horribly as he treated her when they were a couple. (for those who don’t know or care or keep up with pop culture gossip; Tristan cheated on Khloe when she was 8 months pregnant and due to the stress she gave birth early.
Then she took him back, they worked things out and then they were trying to have a second child via surrogacy and the same week they got told they are having another baby; it came out he had cheated again.)
Now that you’re caught up, you can probably understand why the world gets frustrated when they see Khloe being ‘nice’ to him on the show and online etc.

But here’s the thing, Khloe makes a choice to be how she wants to be with Tristan. She chooses to have grace, empathy and kindness while also laying down boundaries with him to protect herself moving forward; he is the father of her children after all. She talked about how she is staying true to her moral compass and that if hers isn’t the same as someone else’s watching; that they should just worry about theirs and she will take care of hers. 

I thought, “Wow, what a gracious and strong woman.” 

Say what you want about the Kardashians; I know they’re not everyone’s cup of tea and that’s fine. We all have our own opinions and you’re entitled to that. I’m not trying to do anything with this information other than to show you that maybe you can do the same as Khloe here. 

And that is, to make a choice. 

When I was younger I always said, “When I’m old I hope I am elegant, graceful, classy, wise, kind, patient and understanding - and I hope she dresses well!” And one day (Thanks to The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron.) I said to myself, “Who promised me the gift of old age?” None of us are guaranteed that. Which led me to, “Why can’t I be all of those things now?” 

“No… I’m not experienced enough yet.”, “I’m too young to act that way, what leg do I have to stand on to say I’m wise?”, “What do I know about class and elegance?”.
Blah, blah, blah.
My censor (inner critic) just wouldn’t give me a break!

So I made a choice.
I made a choice to be that way now.

I asked myself, “Hypothetically, if there is a version of me out there right now; maybe old, maybe not; and if she has all of these characteristics I want, how would she be on a daily basis?” and I went from there. 

If I wanted to be a certain way, I had to start now. What would a gracious person do in a certain situation? How would they see the world around them and how would they show up in the world themselves to support that trait? What does elegance mean to me and what books can I read that would help me gain some perspective on how to become so? What things have I already gone through that has made me wiser than I have been before? I’m certainly wiser than my 5 year old self, my 10 year old self, my 17 year old self and even my 20 year old self. 

To learn is to live. 

Why do I have to wait until the other half of my life to say I’m all of these things? Why can’t I be that way now?

You can. 

“Imposter Syndrome” is a term I hear all the time and I don’t believe it exists. 

“Imposter syndrome is that uncomfortable feeling you experience when you think you're unqualified and incompetent. You might look around and assume everyone knows what they're doing except you. And if you achieve something good, you'll chalk your accomplishments up to “good luck.”

If you think you want to be a certain way, have a certain lifestyle, have certain friends or do something different; start doing the small things you can that that person would do. And slowly but surely, you’ll come to realise that you are that person. And what’s beautiful about life and self-will is that you can quite easily change your mind if you find out, “actually, I don’t like dressing this way, I think I’ll try something else on.”

We have the beautiful gift of choice. 

What choice are you going to make to become the person you’re waiting to be? Why do you have to get to 50, 60, 70 or 80 before you can be those things? Who do you think is going to point and laugh at you and ‘catch you out’ for being that way? 

No one.

Just you. 

And if you’re worried about the people around you in your life now that might say, “You’ve changed.” 

Good. Because that’s exactly what you want.

Change.

If you want to be someone that does yoga, do yoga. You don’t need to buy a yoga mat or sign up to a class right away or splurge on a new yoga work out set. (I mean, treat yourself if you want to of course.) but start with something smaller and less intimidating. Carve out 20 minutes in your day to get on YouTube in a safe area in your home and find a video that you like and just give it a go. (I watch Yoga With Adriene personally.)

If you want to be someone who has a better vocabulary, buy a dictionary and randomly open a page and pick just one word to learn and then for fun, try to use it in a sentence that same day.
(I have an app called ‘Vocabulary’ that gives me 10 new ones daily. Today’s word is ‘Solipsistic’ - Adjective. Believing that oneself is all that exists. ‘Young adults are often seen as solipsistic when in reality many of them volunteer at local charities.’) 

The way to be who you want to be, is to start doing the things that that person would do now. Eventually they’ll become natural and weeks will go by with these new lifestyle habits and new thoughts and new reactions to situations and you’ll look back like, “I don’t even recognise that version of me anymore.” even if it were just one year prior.

To change your life you must first change yourself. It all starts within and; spoiler alert - nothing and no one is going to come to you and magically turn you into the person you are wishing you were. 

It’s all up to you.

So, who do you want to be? What are you waiting for? 

Show up for yourself. 
You owe yourself that much. 

Most ardently,
Chenise Sinclaire