THE BOOK THAT CHANGED MY LIFE
Chenise Sinclair photographed by Celeste Shiels
Self-help books did the opposite for me for a long time. They didn’t help me. I would struggle to finish them, taking me weeks or months to get through (that’s if I finished it at all.) For some reason it felt like homework I just didn’t want to do but I also knew that I did want to?
Confusing; I know.
In 2020 when the pandemic hit, I noticed a lot of the influencers that I followed were reading a lot of self improvement books and influenced, I’d buy the same ones hoping to feel better and learn a thing or two. However, I found that I felt worse reading them. Like I was so far from being ‘successful’ because of all of the ‘healthy habits’ these self help gurus seem to be talking about just wouldn’t stick with me. I thought “Oh my god. I can’t apply myself like this. I’m too dumb to implement this or that, etc.”
Then I had the worst belief of all and that was; that reading just ‘isn’t for me.’
I feel sick just writing that now. How upsetting is it to think reading books isn’t ‘for me’ just because the type of books I was picking up didn’t hook me in the right way?
I think I was 12 or 13 years old when my Mum bought me the “Series of Unfortunate Events” books by Daniel Handler (Lemony Snicket) and they were one of my favourite forms of escapism after school. My Mum had the largest Stephen King and Dean Koontz novel collection I’ve ever seen. But I wasn’t allowed to read those ones, no matter how much I begged and begged. Eventually she got rid of them because she didn’t want to take the chance of me reading them without her permission.
When I started to see a book called ‘It Ends With Us’ by Colleen Hoover all over my social media pages, I knew that I had to read that book. (FOMO of course.) Now mind you I hadn’t read a fiction book since I was an early teenager and for some reason I believed that fiction was boring and useless, like once you ‘grew up’ those books are what you’re meant to leave behind and adults don’t read silly little fiction books.
I let my misbeliefs control my opinions on who was allowed to read fiction novels and that did not include me.
I’ll tell you now, I have never been so happy to have been so wrong.
I flew through that book within a few days. I couldn’t believe how fast I had finished a book after years of never touching a fiction novel and I couldn’t believe that a brick of paper with some ink on the pages could make me feel the way it did. I had never cried reading a book before and immediately I binged all of her work. It was like being introduced into a whole new world. I thought, “Wow. If a book can make me feel this way, I need to read everything I can!” Then I moved onto other authors, other trending books, I tried all of the genres too. (Fantasy is cool btw.)
I learned what style of writing I liked to read and what I didn’t, I learned that even though they are fictional characters, they are relatable to someone out there. The same way Lily Bloom’s story in ‘It Ends With Us’ was relatable to me. I learned that while some story plots may be ‘unrealistic’ or ‘extreme’ to me, there’s a chance it hits home to someone else. Despite what external conflict the characters are going through in fiction novels, the internal conflicts are what make us all human.
We all have them and through fiction, I was able to broaden my perspective on why some people are the way they are. Fiction taught me alot about people, believe it or not.
They’re imperfect, they’re more relatable, and still, there’s always something to learn through their character development and depending on the author, there might be a few hidden philosophical gems in there too.
I felt connected - appreciatively more connected than any self-help book had ever made me feel up until I had read a fiction. I felt connected to the fictional characters and even more so, to the book community. I had people to talk to about these things and I had found a hobby I really loved and decided to embrace it, and I even encouraged others.
I freed myself from the shackles of my limited beliefs about who was allowed to enjoy fiction books because I discovered I love them all.
The best part was, once I had read so many of them, it was easier to read a self-help book because I knew I enjoyed reading and now I could have a balance between the two. I could have my non-fiction and fiction books live simultaneously with me and not feel as de-motivated as I once was before.
I’m well aware of the controversies surrounding Colleen Hoover and maybe some may feel disappointed that my life-changing, gate-way book was one of hers but that’s my truth. Her work in ‘It Ends With Us’ was the one that opened the door for me to see the power books have.
The power words have.
Her work was the knock on my inner door that helped me rediscover a part of me that I had buried for most of my life; writing.
I enjoy books for many different reasons and I don’t rate my readings based on whether or not a novel is a critically acclaimed, well written piece of literature. I rate them on how they make me feel, what they made me question, what they helped me gain perspective on.
Books are wonderful and writing is powerful.
Words are powerful.
What words are you feeding your mind?
Both from books and from yourself?
Do you have any shackles stopping you from something you might once again enjoy like you did in your childhood?
All my love,
Chenise Sinclaire.
